Maybe it's just me, but I hate new year resolutions. They make me feel like shit. Every year, I set all these lofty goals. I say I'm going to work out more or drink less or focus on this blog more and then, come December 31st, I'm always a bit down because I didn't accomplish even half of what my resolutions were. As I've gotten older, I've realized that life truly has a mind of it's own.
In 2020 for example, I swore I was going to be more social, network more and travel. Muahhhhhhh life said, "nah bitch" and we've been living in a pandemic ever since. I also got pregnant that year which both was and wasn't a part of our plan so I spent a good part of that year feeling awful and anxious.
In 2021, I made a commitment to this blog and to updating it regularly. Then Nola was born and rearranged everything in my life. She's almost a year old now and I'm just starting to feel like I'm able to leave the house for a few hours here and there. Between my new role as a mama and the demands of my graduate program, updating this blog in any sort of regular way was just impossible.
On top of that I saw the careers of other people in my field starting to take off which only made me feel even more like shit. I felt like I wasn't doing enough. That being a mother took my career away and that I wasn't creative or innovative enough to have anything to offer in this space.
This year I welcomed in 2022 quietly and with intention. I celebrated it with my husband and two of my best friends. We burned sage and palo santo sticks, wrote down our desires from this year, and stood with each other in agreement that these things would come to pass. I went to sleep in the wee hours of Jan 1st with so much damn peace in my heart. I've decided that going forward, I'm chucking deuces to resolutions and hello to intentions.
For me the difference is the pressure. With resolutions, I felt so much pressure to be the best version of myself every second of every day and a bitch could notttt. With intentions, my mindset is to be gentle with myself. To extend myself grace as I strive to move towards a better version of myself. It's me letting go of the guilt of not being perfect.
So, in 2022, my intentions are:
+ Get Some Spirit: If I'm honest (and I always am) Christianity has never quite fit me even though that's the religion I was raised in. I think faith is a beautiful thing, but I always feel like an imposter in church so this year, my intention is to get in touch with some higher power. Maybe that means meditation. Maybe I'm going to get in touch with my spiritual side via manifestation or even mysticism. I don't know. I'm giving myself permission to seek out what feels good to me.
+Take Up Space: Becoming a wife and a mother within a year and a half left very little time for me to prioritize myself. Frankly this has led to a lot of resentment in my marriage. I'm so worried about being the "perfect" mother and the "perfect" wife I'm a shitty caretaker of myself. No mas. Nola will be okay if I take an hour lunch in the middle of the day. My husband will be just fine if I don't cook dinner one night. What matters is that I work because if I don't, nothing else does.
Right now for example, I'm in a coffee shop working while sipping on an oat milk mocha. This evening I'm taking a candlelit yoga class and Shep is in charge of figuring out dinner.
+I'm Worthy: Instead of coveting, feeling less than and feeling envious, I'm changing my mindset to that of abundance. I am worthy of success. I have good ideas. I am a compelling content creator and storyteller. I don't need to compare because the only competition is with myself.
Other than that, I'm letting life come to me. I have no plans just wide open arms for what 2022 has for me.
Happy New Year y'all