Man oh man, I didn’t see this season of my life coming when I left my cushy (read: emotionally unhealthy) job in D.C. to go to grad school. I naively believed that life would kind of just smooth out and settle as I got older (plot twist: Nahh B). I thought that after school I would live an exciting (mediocre) life working for a massive corporate communications firm handling branding or corporate social responsibility or some other thing.
But then the craziest thing happened, I fell in love with food and storytelling.
I reallllllly underestimated just how hard charting your own careerpath can be. It’s lonely, financially/emotionally depleting, and even if you work your ass off there is no guarantee of success. I haven’t even mentioned how your own mind becomes your worse enemy and challenges you at every step. I never realized that I really am my own worst enemy.
I’m constantly wracked with the idea that I’m just not good enough; my ideas aren’t good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not cutting edge enough and I’m a shitty writer. My biggest fear as of late is that I’ll be underemployed for the rest of my life (insert me screaming and manically laughing at the same damn time).
And right about here is where my guilt kicks in!
I’m not hustling enough. I’m not killing myself everyday working 40+ hours at my current job and then coming home to continue working another billion hours on networking, job applications, and my blog (and almost assuredly a full mental breakdown) so clearly I don’t want this enough.
Ugh, just thinking about all of this makes me tired.
Once I come back to earth from this tailspin, which is a lovely mix of anxiety, shame, self-pity, and fear, I’m able to see the real truth: I’m doing the best I can. I really am. Could I be doing more? Of course, we all could, but I’m doing what I am capable of right now.
In addition to serving as a creative outlet for me, this blog is also deeply therapeutic. It’s so important to me that people who read what I write know that they aren’t alone in this world.
No one has the exact life they want, least of all me. All you see of my life is what I allow. All you see of anyone’s life is what they allow. I want to let you know that where ever you are in life, especially when it seems like you’re falling apart, you’re right where you need to be. Judging your life against what you see happening on other people’s Instagram feeds, blog posts, or even in “real” life is a recipe for DISASTER.
You never know what someone else is going through and I’d bet you my future full-time job salary of $80k, (gotta speak things into existence yas Jesussss I receive it!!!!) if you knew what was really going on in someone else’s life, you wouldn’t trade them for all the tea in China.
I’m telling you this because I need to hear it myself. We are where the universe wants us. Instead of swimming upstream, go with the flow. Try and become a student of your situation. What is there to learn? How can you become even more thoughtful, giving, and hopeful? It’s so hard, trust me, I know but I believe in you. You got this! Now go out there and make your dreams come true.